Sometimes, one of us gets lucky enough and posts a FaceBook status
that the people like. In this feature, What the People Want, Hobbes Da
Blogga will take a popular FaceBook status off his news feed and expand
it, giving the people the content they deserve. In this edition, Hobbes Da Blogga is taking advantage of a current topic and trying to make even more referee jokes
Even Voldemort thinks the referees are messing up a good thing.
Foot Locker is suing the NFL for brand infringement, stemming from their employees wearing referee uniforms.
Replacement referees are disproving the theory of evolution.
Mitt Romney would not let a replacement referee near his campaign.
Five replacement referees went to an Applebee's. They all ordered ribs, and they all got burgers. They ate the burgers in silence, citing a little-known clause that food orders are not reviewable.
When replacement referees go under the hood to review a play, Dora the Explorer is playing on the TV.
Everyone and their mother is going to be a replacement referee for Halloween: Costume consists of referee attire, dark sunglasses, and a walking cane.
Replacement referees are so poor that they had to start accepting food stamps inside NFL stadiums.
Even the people watching the game at Buffalo Wild Wings had no idea what was going on.
The replacement referees are doing such a bad job that President Obama is considering bailing out the NFL.
If Tupac can find time to write a poetry book, then anything is possible
As a result of my boredom at work today, I ended up listening to a lot of Tupac, when something struck me. Tupac has released a ton of post-modem albums, and this is not shocking. What is shocking, though, is the fact that Tupac produced such a volume of content in such a short time. Tupac's first album dropped in 1990, and he died in 1996. He also spent 11 of those months in prison due to a rape charge that was eventually dropped. (Imagine if Kobe Bryant actually had to sit in prison the whole time of his rape scandal.) The total count of Tupac albums currently stands at 11. That means he produced 11 albums in almost six years. Considering the quality of his work, that is remarkable. In addition, he starred in multiple movies, stayed heavily integrated within his community, and wrote a poetry book. He did this all in roughly five years, as well as a plethora of other things that I have failed to find or mention.
It is remarkable that any person would be able to contribute to music and culture as much as Tupac did. Now consider where Tupac came from. Tupac was fucked from the beginning. He had too many enemies and
came from a volatile political family. He spent most of his
childhood on the run from the FBI as they were tracking his step father
Mutulu Shakur
who was on the top ten most wanted list for domestic terrorism. His own
mother spent time in prison on a trial for plotting to blow up New York
police departments with the infamous panther 21. His God father was Geronimo Pratt who was targeted by the FBI illegal Cointelpro, and his god mother is Assata Shakur
who is also wanted for domestic terrorism, that Tupacs step-dad broke
her out of prison and is now living in Cuba. Bush in 2003 put a $1
million reward on her head during the revival of targeting domestic
terrorists at the start of the war on terror. In 2011, Jon Stewart and Bill O'Reilly
had an argument over her, as Obama invited an artist to the white house
who supported Assata Shakur. Fox was trying to make that out that by
default the president supports her too. Tupac comes from a very politically committed family, and as a teenager he was the national chairman of the
new African panthers, so he was on route to be the next leader of the
movement. Just read the list I stole from a Reddit post- putting it in sentence format would definitely diminish the shock value
Spent his childhood running from the FBI due to the actions of the Shakurs.
At 16 became the youngest national Chairman of the New African
panthers, himself then getting FBI attention. His FBI file, only 104
pages out of 4000 are released to the public, the rest 3896 pages are
censored for "National Security".
Quit the New African Panthers when he believed the Nation of Islam
infiltrated it, the next leader after Shakur was surprise surprise, a
member of the NOI.
Got into a constant war of words with the Nation of Islam throughout
his rap career. They would follow him everywhere, trying to make it
look like they where associated with him. To get his approval, because
he was a Shakur. Tupac hated the Nation of Islam because his family
where connected to Malcolm X, and his family blame the Nation for his
assassination.
Became famous to the general public when released 2pacalyspe now,
becoming the legendary rapper. Immediately denounced by the Vice
President Dan Quayle due to its anti-american political content. It was
obvious they knew who he was by his second name, even if the average rap
fan didn't.
Gets mentioned by name at the Republican Nation Convention
From the help of Mutulu Shakur from prison, starts a movement
entitled "Thug Life". Tupac helps enforce truces between rival gangs,
including the bloods and the crips under "Thug Life". The plan was to
get them to stop killing each other, unite, police their communities,
and eventually fight the government. He was seducing gang bangers and
trying to turn them into soldiers. After that his life turns to shit and
seems to be getting arrested and targeted by police on a weekly basis,
most of which is was baseless, but people only remember him getting
arrested, not acquitted. His "out of control" image increases.
Two Police officers are beating a black motorist. Tupac approaches
them and they fire shots at him. Tupac goes back to his car and gets his
gun and returns fire, hitting both officers, one in the thigh and one
in the buttocks. The charges are dropped against Tupac when it turns out
both officers are intoxicated, and the gun they used to fire against
Tupac was stolen from an evidence locker. Everyone else just remembers
"Tupac shot two cops".
The republicans convince Time Warner to drop interscope records due to Tupac being one of their artists.
Two criminals, Haitian Jack and James "Henchman" Rosemand try to
extort Tupac. He tells them to fuck off and ends up on their hit list.
Both later turn out to be working for the FBI since the late 80s until
the late 90s.
Haitian Jack (The FBI Agent) introduces Tupac to a woman, the same woman accuses Tupac of rape and sexual assault.
Tupac gets shot by the orders of James Rosemand (another FBI Agent) 5 times in 1994, survives.
Goes to prison for sexual assault, but found innocent of rape.
Released after 11 months when new evidence helping prove his innocence
is found. The prosecution states they "lost it" and it was not
deliberate.
The Jewish Defense League (JDL) threaten to kill Tupac due to his
familys politics. He tells them to fuck off. This is in Tupacs
(released) FBI files.
Tupac refuses to remain silent about Jimmy Henchman and Haitian
Jack, announces them as FBI informers, and publicly humiliates any other
rappers being extorted by them, or associated with them (Biggie, Puffy,
etc).
The causes many eastcoast rappers and street gangsters to dislike Tupac
This is the part where I'm supposed to write a conclusion, somehow tying Tupac's public persona with his actual life into a tidy, one paragraph explanation. That is Mission Impossible though, so I'm just going to hang the ending with a Calvin and Hobbes comic.
Sometimes, one of us gets lucky enough and posts a FaceBook status that the people like. In this feature, What the People Want, Hobbes Da Blogga will take a popular FaceBook status off his news feed and expand it, giving the people the content they deserve.
What's the difference between Helen Keller and replacement referees? Helen Keller doesn't need instant replay.
Michael Turner spent 10 minutes last night hoping that the cop who pulled him over was a replacement referee.
Replacement referees are so poor that they eat cereal with a fork and save the milk for the next bowl.
The replacement referee's annual charity event is a fundraiser to find a cure for polio.
Replacement referees are so broke that they have to take a mortgage out on their hotel rooms.
What's the difference between a pizza oven and a replacement referee?
A pizza oven can feed a family.
Replacement referees are so poor that Michael Oher sympathizes with them.
What's the difference between Muhammad Ali and replacement referees? People listen when Muhammad Ali tries to talk.
Replacement referees are all so broke they eat Spaghetti-Os for breakfast.
Steve Sabol killed himself because he didn't want to have to edit any NFL film involving replacement referees.
WWE referees think that the replacement referees are making up rules as they go.
The replacement referees spent the whole summer studying for their drug test.
This is not my first attempt at blogging. As such, previous blog entries will be seamlessly integrated within this blog through the feature: Throwbacks. This blog post was written during winter break of my junior year, at a time when I thought I could have an STD.
A lot can happen in three to five business days. Packages can travel
halfway around the world, foot-high snow piles can evaporate back into
the parking spot from whence it came, me and my brother could hit level
fifty in Call of Duty. Anyways, my point is that three to five business
days is a pretty long period of time, especially when the countdown
starts on New Year's Eve, and New Year's Eve falls on a Thursday. While
at this point actually testing positive for the chlamydia virus is much more of a symbolic q tip up the dick hole
than physical, and while understanding that I did not spread the virus
to anyone, there is still a feeling of anxiety pushing forward with
regards to the wait for the test results. Now, why would I be anxious?
Is it because of the stigma that comes with actually contracting the
clap? Is it the fact that I can't have sex for a month, which isn't
nearly as far of a stretch from the standard as it sounds? Is it the
fact I would tell my parents, and have to deal with awkward lectures
that would put the typical anti-alcohol lecture to shame? There really
isn't a good enough reason for me to be this anxious about the results
of the test; normally I'm the type of person who can block anything out
if I try to.
What comes to mind as a conclusion for this
anxiousness is the lack of a precedent set before me. None of my friends
in either the 201 or the 215 have ever had a scare of this magnitude- a
scare that's more than a hunch. Can't ask the family either- I'd
probably end up on the front page of the Bayonne Times if I started
asking family members under the headline "Once-Promising Teenager
Contracts Chlamydia from Cum-Dumpster at Pennsylvania College." The only sources of true knowledge I have are the Internet and Mr. Waktola
at Planned Parenthood. I guess the deeper lesson that I've learned from
this besides the obvious "make sure you wear a bathing suit with mesh
if you're swimming in nuclear acid" is that I, by being incredibly
forward with my issue, might be able to help a friend or family member
who is unsure about testing. So, in conclusion, if you're scared about
something that could be sexually transmitted, come talk to me.
In this section, Hobbes Da Blogga will attempt to take an unusual statement or perspective and twist it so it makes a million times more sense by the end of the post than it does in the title.
If art is to be defined as the byproduct or result of expressed creativity, (this definition was not taken from any dictionary or Internet source; Hobbes Da Blogga used his 22 years of experience on the earth as a reference point for this definition) (citiation needed) then is it feasible to consider a video game a form of art?
How could this be art?
Think about what you may consider to be art: starting with whatever painting just popped in your head. Then start to think about other forms of art, from the craftmanship present in buildings and statues around the world to all those books with "thee" in them you read in the eleventh grade when you were just happy that Shakespeare's textbook was large enough to help conceal your out-of-control high school boner. Picture your whole group of friends huddled around the television not saying a word because Breaking Bad owns everyone's soul. Picture the Beatles invading America, teaching our country such invaluable lessons as "People love happy music" and "A band can be a compilation of multiple talented artists."
Take a moment and let all of the various forms of art run through your head, and try to think of a form of art that I missed in that three sentence breakdown of types of art. Now, open your eyes for a second and realize that videogames incorporate EVERY FORM OF ART MENTIONED above. Seriously, if you don't believe me, I'm sure that you don't even have to scroll up to read the previous paragraph. Videogames incorporate the three major types of art: visual (every image you see in a video game is either drawn by an individual person or a result of individual drawings being run through an animation program), audial (video games have a ton of music, often written specifically for the game), and literary (if you've ever played a video game until its end even though you weren't having fun in the actual game play just to see if the main character survives you should understand this point)
Just because video games are composed of artistic elements does not make it art- my bathroom breaks have an unique form, make unique sounds, and sometimes even have a story behind them, but I am not ready to classify turds as art quite yet. This is because even though my bowel movements could be defined as a byproduct of various art forms, there is no artistic expression associated with my turds- I cannot dedicate my time and energy towards becoming a certain type of pooper.
If you're still reading after that poop paragraph, then you must think there is at least some merit to my argument. To further express the point of artistic expression, consider the different types of video games currently available, ranging from the realness of a sports game all the way to the games that take place in a pseudo-world, such as every Final Fantasy game ever. It is easy to see a Final Fantasy game as a form of art: animated images of made-up characters with a custom soundtrack guiding you along a normally riveting tale rooted in some concept of original sin and the true causes of evil.
Blitzball is art
Now I know all of my haters are pointing at the previous paragraph saying, "OMG Hobbes Da Blogga totally skipped over sports games because he's knows that's not a form of art- what a douchebag." However, I would argue that sports games, especially the well-done modern versions currently floating around, are just as much of an artistic expression as a Final Fantasy game. While those types of games focus on the creation of a world outside the one we live in, sports games are an artistic expression of a professional sport and the world of that sport. Just as the Mona Lisa is a representation of an average woman, the Madden franchise attempts to capture a representation of professional football in the modern era.
Mona Lisa thinks Madden is art
Every facet in Madden is designed to capture the illusion of reality, from the stunningly accurate player-avatars, who possess an uncanny resemblance to the players in terms of both looks and representation of skill to the usage of actual professional football announcers in the game play as well as the implementation of football rules, the music selected to cater the football-watching demographic, the ability to create your own narrative through the various My Player, My Coach, and My Team modes, and the fact that real scores from real games get fed into the video game. Similarly, all of these facets are manipulated differently in the Final Fantasy series to create a world designed to be as outlandish and gripping as possible. The fact that both of these extremes can be captured through the same medium, video games, is proof by itself that video games are indeed a modern form of art.
